Vault Master's TOP TEN KILLER ANIMAL FILMS: #7 - Orca (1977)

ORCA (1977)
a.k.a. Orca: The Killer Whale
92 minutes / Color / Rated PG

The Culprit(s): One vengeful and insanely intelligent killer whale.

The Plot: Captain Nolan (Richard Harris) is out on a routine whaling expedition, when he and his crew come across a pod of killer whales. (Which are actually a species of dolphin if you can believe it.) Nolan fires his harpoon gun at a big male, but ultimately misses his prize. The harpoon only takes a chunk out of the fin of Nolan's target, and instead, deeply embeds itself into the flesh of the killer whale's mate. Nolan's crew reels in their catch and hoists the dying animal out of the sea. It is here that the film strikes viewers with one of the most disturbing images ever seen in a PG-rated film: Mrs. Orca's vagina(?) horrifically spits out the fetus of her unborn child! A very rattled Nolan quickly washes the fetus overboard, drops the dying whale into the sea and heads back to port. Unbeknownst to Nolan, the husband of the pregnant killer whale he just butchered has followed him, and soon a game of cat and mouse begins. The vengeful cetacean injures and kills Nolan's crew-mates, ingeniously sets off a gas line explosion on the shore, causes thousands of dollars in property damage, and eventually coaxes the maligned sea captain out into open waters. The angry orca leads Nolan up into the icy waters of the Arctic, where they eventually have their final showdown.



Why it made the list: This was one of the first "Jaws" rip-offs, and even goes as far as to have a killer whale completely decimate a Great White Shark early on in the film. (Probably at the request of producer, Dino de Laurentiis.) But categorizing "Orca" as a mere rip-off isn't totally fair, as the only real similarity is that both films feature an aquatic menace. Truthfully, "Orca" is more like "Death Wish" than "Jaws," as it focuses heavily on the titular creature's attempts to avenge the death of its spouse and unborn child. (Sadly, the killer whale does not utilize a sock full of quarters in its revenge spree.)


What makes this film even more interesting though, is that Nolan, who is supposed to be the villain, suffers just as much as the creature he has wronged. At first he is totally disgusted by what he's done (and seen), and he actually feels guilty! However, as the film goes on, his guilt and sorrow turn to hatred after the killer whale claims the lives (and limbs) of the people that are closest to him. While this scenario is kind of cheesy, it does make for some compelling cinema, and you may even find yourself cheering on Nolan or the whale as the film's climax approaches.

Why YOU should watch it: Well for starters, you get to see the only(?) on-screen killer whale abortion in cinematic history. (While it doesn't look as convincing as it probably did in the 70's, it is still a pretty f*cked up scene that should elicit shocked gasps from unsuspecting viewers.) The effects in the film are overall, pretty decent, the cast is talented, and the soundtrack (scored by Ennio Morricone, one of the greatest composers of all time) is beautiful! And, as an added bonus, you get to see a killer whale bite off Bo Derek's leg!



Is it worthy of a remake? Hmm... that is a tricky question to answer here. Up to this point, all of the film's I've had on the list were, for the most part, low-budget exploitation flicks with environmental themes. This film is an entirely different beast altogether as it had a good-sized budget, an all-star cast, and music by Ennio Morricone. I think, that for the first time, I'm going to say "no, this movie should not be remade." It is far from being an immortal classic (like "JAWS"), but "Orca" has a pretty good cult following, and isn’t too shabby a movie. Then again, a remake of "Orca" can only make the original look all the better....

The countdown to my all-time favorite killer animal flick continues tomorrow with number six... unless I suddenly come down with the "bird flu." (Yes, that was a hint, and yes, I agree that it wasn't very subtle or witty.)

Vault Master's TOP TEN KILLER ANIMAL FILMS: #8 - Day of the Animals (1977)

Day of the Animals (1977)
a.k.a. Something Is Out There
97 minutes / Color / Not Rated

The Culprit(s): Every type of animal imaginable, including wolves, dogs, rats, snakes, hawks, owls, mountain lions, and bears! Oh my!

The Plot: A hole opens up in the ozone layer around Earth and turns every animal living at high altitudes into a vicious, mindless killer that is hellbent on the destruction of humanity! And wouldn't you know it, just as this happens, a group of hikers decides to climb up a mountain and take in the beauty of Mother Nature. As soon as the group of city slickers is well-stranded up in the great outdoors, everything with paws, claws, and wings begins stalking and terrorizing the mixed crew of (former) nature lovers. After the group is whittled down by several animal attacks, the survivors decide to retreat back to civilization. However, one of the beleaguered hikers, Paul Jenson (Leslie Nielsen!), is slowly going as crazy as the local fauna. He manages to talk half of the group into going with him to "safety," and eventually evolves from an irritating asshole, into a full blown psycho who suddenly decides that he can beat a bear in a wrestling match. In the end, a little girl is the lone survivor of the unlucky group, and she is rescued by soldiers donning haz-mat suits made of aluminum foil. As for that pesky hole in the ozone, it magically patched itself up overnight. And all of the crazy killer animals? They all conveniently keeled over and died after the ozone phenomenon ended.



Why it made the list: Growing up, this was probably the only nature revenge flick that I missed out on, and I filled a huge void in my life by finally buying and watching "Day of the Animals." This is a taut little thriller that features some impressive moments where man and beast interact, and although it contains some truly awful dialogue, I think that it just adds to the film's charm. This is easily one of my favorite William Girdler flicks, and it is a crying shame that he made so few films before his tragic death in 1978. (Rest in peace Bill; you will be missed, but your films will live on forever.)

Why YOU should watch it: Where else can you see Leslie Nielsen (star of "The Naked Gun" trilogy) go batshit insane, kill a guy, attempt to rape a weeping woman, then battle an enraged bear?! If that doesn't sell you on this movie, I don't know what will. (Watch Leslie Nielsen degenerate into a madman in the Youtube clip below. To see him battle the bear, skip ahead to the two-minute mark.)



Is it worthy of a remake? Hell yeah, though I doubt that modern audiences will buy the "hole in the ozone layer makes animals go crazy" plot point. On the downside, if this does get remade, it will most likely feature fake-looking CGI animals terrorizing a group of horny teenagers who completely lack common sense. Hmm... maybe this one shouldn't be remade after all....

Murder, revenge, and a disturbing abortion at sea are just some of the highlights of the next film on the countdown. Check back tomorrow to see what "mystery" movie is occupying the number seven spot on my killer animal flick list!

Vault Master's TOP TEN KILLER ANIMAL FILMS: #9 - Frogs (1972) and Food of the Gods (1976)

Because I just couldn't make up my mind, I ended up with a two way tie for the 9th spot on my top ten killer animals list. Here are two insane films from the psychedelic 70's!


Frogs (1972)
90 minutes / Color / Rated PG

The Culprit(s): Frogs, Snakes, Tarantulas, Snapping Turtles, Lizards, Alligators, etc.

The Plot: A physically disabled old bastard named Jason Crockett (Ray Milland) is holding himself a little birthday party at his swampy island estate. Though it is an all family affair, the party is crashed by a young freelance photojournalist named Sam Pickett (a young Sam Elliott!), who has been photographing the heavily polluted swamp. Apparently old man Crockett hates every living thing in the bog and has done all he can to have every bug, reptile, and amphibian eliminated from his property. But it is not nice to f*ck with Mother Nature, and soon, everything in the nearby swamp is lending a hand in the battle against humanity. In the end, Sam Pickett and a few others make a hasty retreat away from the Crockett mansion, leaving the nature-hating cripple to his own fate.

Why it made the list: More than anything, nostalgia was the lead factor in my choosing this film for this list. "Frogs" is not very good or exciting, but it is fun to see the parade of critters that lash out at the offending humans. This cheesy exploitation flick is pretty much the "Last House on the Left" of the nature strikes back genre. It has a gritty feel, and features some of the most intelligent animals I've ever seen, including ambushing arachnids and lizards that engage in chemical warfare. While it is very dated and seriously flawed, I can't help but love it.



Why YOU should watch it: Because you will see a crippled man being covered from head to toe in big ugly frogs at the film's insane climax. Also it's kind of cool to see actors reacting to actual animals, rather than unconvincing ones that have been rendered with CGI. Plus, this film is proof that Sam Elliott was actually young once. Why is that a big deal? Because it now gives you the advantage against a fellow film nerd that swears that Sam Elliott is an immortal.

Is it worthy of a remake? Not really, but I wouldn't mind seeing a new and improved version of this flick, especially if the frogs from the title actually attacked and devoured people!

Food of the Gods (1976)
88 minutes / Color / Rated PG

The Culprit(s): Giant rats, giant wasps, giant worms, and giant chickens!

The Plot: A gent named Morgan and his friends are spending some time hunting up in the Canadian wilderness, when suddenly they are accosted by giant wasps! They flee to a nearby farm that is owned by a crazy old woman name Mrs. Skinner. According to this shit-kicking wench, the wasps grew to their abnormal size after eating "the food of the gods," which turns out to be a strange white viscous fluid that suddenly began coming up out of the ground. But the wasps (which are later wiped out in a daring raid on their nest) aren't the only pests that got into the super-grow jizzum. Some worms snacked on it, then later snacked on Mrs. Skinner's hands before she took a knife to them. A rooster had a bit, turned into a huge cock (sorry, I couldn't help myself), and was later killed by Morgan with a pitchfork. But the worst plague of giant critters arrives later, in the form of an army of giant rats! The giant rodents go on a rampage, eating everyone in their path, until Morgan and friends devise a plan to get rid of the overgrown vermin.

Why it made the list: Again, nostalgia played a role here, since I love the films made by the late and great Bert I. Gordon. (a.k.a The "Notorious B.I.G.") This guy had a strange obsession with making movies about giant things, and gave us such classic sci-fi fare as "The Amazing Colossal Man," "The Beginning of the End," "Attack of the Puppet People," and "Village of the Giants." Bert's "The Food of the Gods" was based on the H.G. Wells tale, and features some fairly impressive effects. In particular, the giant rats look pretty good during their closeups, mainly because mechanical rat heads were utilized.



Why YOU should watch it: Because this film is a classic in its own right and showcases some nifty old school special effects. Before the dawning of CGI, film makers had to rely on various forms of practical special effects. If a film called for a massive battle between two armies, then a casting call for thousands of film extras would go out. And if a movie needed giant killer animals, then folks like Bert I. Gordon would fall back on forced perspective shooting and/or the creation of life-sized mock-ups of the animals needed for the film. Plus, it's always awesome seeing someone battle for their life against a stuntman in a rat costume, especially after you have a few brews in you.

Is it worthy of a remake? Well H.G. Wells "War of the Worlds" and "The Time Machine" were remade, so why not just go ahead and redo this one too? Since it is not hailed as a classic by critics or the general public, no one will be up in arms if the "Food of the Gods" gets remade. Heck, it can't be any worse than the hilariously cheesy 1989 sequel, "Gnaw: Food of the Gods Part II" which also featured giant rats, as well as a giant, foul-mouthed child!



Check back tomorrow (especially if you're a William Girdler fan) to find find out what killer animal flick made it to the number eight spot.

Vault Master's TOP TEN KILLER ANIMAL FILMS: #10 - Prophecy (1979)

Prophecy (1979)
a.k.a. Prophecy: The Monster Movie
102 minutes / Color / Rated R

The Culprit(s): Mutated Wildlife; most notably "Katadin," a fig-bucking mutant grizzly bear with a foul temper.

The Plot: Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth) is an inner-city doctor who is investigating claims that a logging company is polluting the environment, somewhere up in Maine. His continued testing and research eventually reveals that the loggers are using methyl-mercury, a harmful substance (and mutagen!) that can result in severe medical problems, deformed babies, giant tadpoles, enormous trout, killer raccoons, and giant mutant grizzly bears! Once he obtains proof (in the form of two sickly mutant bear cubs), Dr. Verne, his wife (Talia Shire!), and their Native American allies (Armand Assante and Victoria Racimo!) prepare to blow the lid off the logging firm's dirty secret. But a monkey-wrench is thrown into the works by the cubs' vengeful mother, Katadin, and soon, Doc Verne and company find themselves in a desperate fight for survival against a deadly freak of nature.

Why it made the list: I'm sure many of you are surprised that this eco-thriller made it to my list, and I can't blame you. Director John Frankenheimer took a very serious approach with this film, and that resulted in some extensively boring scenes and many unintentional laughs. (Frankenheimer most definitely should have made this a tongue-in-cheek affair.) Still, despite the ludicrous plot and lethargic pace, this cautionary tale does provide us with some much needed mutant bear-on-man action. The real show-stopper here, is the "exploding sleeping bag scene." It is easily the best kill in the film and is, in my opinion, one of the greatest deaths ever captured on celluloid!

What's that? You say you're not familiar with this historic cinematic moment? Then check it out for yourself below!



Why YOU should watch it: Because it has a mutant f*cking bear as well as the aforementioned "exploding sleeping bag" scene. Sure there are other highlights (e.g. Talia Shire getting mauled by a slimy mutant puppet; an Armand Assante stunt-double doing a cannonball through a window; an insane raccoon that gets tossed into a fireplace), but nothing will ever top that sleeping bag scene. Never.

Is it worthy of a remake? Hell yes! If someone like James "Slither" Gunn got his paws (no pun intended) on the rights to this film and wanted to redo it, he would have my blessing. I really think it could work if the film makers (and script writers) had a sense of humor about the proceedings. My only stipulation for the (highly unlikely, but not impossible) remake of "Prophecy," is that they keep the sleeping bag scene, but this time around, make sure there's some gore to go with the explosion of feathers!

Stay tuned for number nine on my "Top Ten Killer Animal Film" list, which ended up as a tie between two "nature strikes back" flicks from the 70's!

Rejoice for new material is coming to the Vault!

Sorry for the distinct lack of new stuff at the Vault everyone. I just hit high and low points when it comes to the site, and unfortunately, there's been a lot of low points lately. I just can't seem to stay in a groove for too long. In any case, I do have new stuff on the way, and you'll be seeing it pop up bit by bit over the next couple of weeks.

Here are the main things I want to get done before March ends:

• I really need to update the LINKS PAGE at the Vault. There are a lot of new sites that have popped up in recent months that deserve a spot in the link archives, and there are equally more sites that have died off or have just stopped updating. To remedy this, I need to spend an afternoon or evening just picking through the links page and getting it back up to par.

• I have a new article in the works which chronicles my top ten favorite "killer animal films." I have a sincere love for these types of films, which make up a good chunk of the "Nature Strikes Back / Nature Run Amok" sub-genre. Check the site soon to read this article and find out what films made the cut.

• March is "MARS MADNESS MONTH" for any and all b-movie reviewers, and I plan on getting THREE new reviews completed before March 31st. I plan on tackling Tobe Hooper's fairly decent remake of "Invaders From Mars," a CGI kaiju short entitled "Negadon: Monster from Mars," and I plan on doing a brand new capsule review for the Schwarzenegger classic, "Total Recall."

Along with all of this stuff, I will be making a few minor changes around the site (some you may notice, and most others you probably won't), and will hopefully find the strength to start The B-Movie Film Vault Genre Watch once again.

So hang in there a bit longer b-movie fans and you will be rewarded. Blog ya later!

The complete lack of updates continues!

I won't bore you with details, but things haven't been going my way lately, especially in regards to my financial situation. (I'm beginning to wonder if my fate is to leave behind a legacy of debt when I die 80 years from now. Yes, I said 80 years. I plan on being a thorn in the side of humanity far longer than I have any right to. Mwahahahaha!)

So, while I get some stuff sorted out, you can expect a continued silence from the Vault. (If you're thinking that I should probably retire at this point, I couldn't agree with you more. But the fact remains that I'm a stubborn fool, that really wants to keep the site going.) So cross your fingers, throw up a few prayers to the Almighty (or various gods if you're polytheistic), and just wish me a bit of luck. If you do this, and if the planets become perfectly aligned, then maybe, just maybe, you'll see some new stuff at the Vault.

In the meantime, keep on fighting the good fight and share your love of b-films with your friends, family, co-workers, and/or fellow classmates.

Stay tuned for some actual updates in the near future.

Whoops.....

My apologies everyone; I was on an unexpected sabbatical for most of February. Between spending most of my recent four day weekend with my best friend in the whole wide world, I've also become an avid gamer once again. My bad.

I will be getting back to work on the Vault soon, with plans to review several films that take place, or have something to do with Mars. I have two reviews scheduled thus far, (the fun remake of "Invaders from Mars" and the CGI kaiju flick "Negadon: Monster from Mars") but one or two more may pop up, as this is an all month event! So stay tuned b-movie fans, the site will be be much more active in the following weeks!

Blog ya later!