92 minutes / Color / Rated R
The Culprit(s): A school of genetically altered piranha that can live in any type of watery environment (fresh water, salt water, cold water, hot water, flavored water, etc.), have the capacity to solve problems (there's a dam in our way? Well we'll just backtrack and find a way around it!), and they can allegedly breed like bunnies in heat!
The Plot: After two hikers trespass onto a thought-to-be-abandoned military testing facility and get eaten alive after taking a dip in a pool full of genetically altered piranha, an investigator named Maggie McKeown is put on the case. Maggie manages to team up with an alcoholic single-dad named Paul Grogan (Bradford Dillman), and together they discover where the missing people ended up. Unfortunately, during their intrusion on government property, they unwittingly drain the piranha pool and set the voracious little terrors loose into the cold, fresh water of "Lost River." The piranha immediately go on a feeding frenzy, eating anyone foolish enough to water-ski, swim, scuba dive, or go fishing.
As the film reaches its climax, the test subjects of "Project: Razorteeth" attack a resort full of unlucky recreational swimmers. To stop the unending carnage, Paul and Maggie take matters into their own hands and attempt to wipe out the piranha before they reach the ocean and spawn. Their solution? Pollute the f*ck out of the river by opening up a waste pipe within a sunken sewage treatment plant! Though it appears that they were successful, the film leaves the ending open for the eventual sequel: "Piranha II: The Spawning." In the sequel (which was directed by Oscar Winning Director James Cameron!), these toothy bastards live out at sea aboard a wrecked naval vessel and can fly because they have been crossbred with California flying fish and grunions!
Why it made the list: This Roger Corman production is yet another rip-off of the immortal "JAWS," though this film changes the formula up enough to be interesting and entertaining as hell. The first big difference between "Piranha" and the film it borrows from, is that it features a school of killer fish, rather than one big one that swallows people on a whim. To me, this is a far more horrifying scenario, because the victims are being devoured alive by an insatiable predator that won't stop eating until all that's left is a pile of bones. At least in "JAWS" the victims either get a brief respite during a shark attack (instilling in them false hope), get completely consumed before they really know what's happening, or at least get a chance to defend themselves against their lone attacker. In the case of the piranha, they surround their victim, strike repeatedly, and never let up. How can anyone even think they can stand against such a mindless voracity? Well the truth is, you can't. Once those little f*ckers get into a frenzy, you are pretty much S.O.L.
Aside from having an excellent antagonist in the film, "Piranha" boasts some pretty impressive (though sometimes hokey) effects, and has a cast of well-developed characters that you actually want to survive the onslaught of the killer fish. Dr. Robert Hoak (Kevin McCarthy!) is a prime example as he is the creator of the dreaded piranha. He messed with the piranha's genetic code in order to make a bio-weapon for the Vietnam War, but once the project was scrapped, he continued his labors. Though he is the creator of the "Razorteeth" that are swimming around Lost River and dining on innocent victims, he seems to feel no guilt as "he wasn't the one that let them out." But his cold scientific exterior is just a facade because he is the first one to dive into the piranha-infested waters in order to save a young boy that is stranded on a sinking boat. For his selfless act, Dr. Hoak gets chewed to shit and dies.
Then there's Paul Grogan's daughter Suzie who is stranded at a summer camp that demands children go into the water. Little Suzie is afraid to go in the water because she thinks something will get her. Although the kindly counselors attempt to keep her high and dry, the asshole who runs the summer camp basically calls her a gutless worm and berates poor Suzie on a frequent basis. (To quote this sumbitch: "People eat fish. Fish, do not eat people!") However, once the piranha pay a visit to the camp, Suzie bravely rows a raft out to save two stranded counselors while Captain Dickweed proves to be utterly useless.
And that leads me to another great thing about "Piranha:" it's a film that isn't afraid to put children in harm's way. Why that may lead you to believe I'm a sick individual who enjoys watching the slaughter of innocents (and you would be correct in assuming that), I think that this helps give the film an edge that allows it to keep normal viewers off balance. I applaud any horror film that kills off youngsters, mainly because it A) creates a little shock value and B) destroys any preconceived feelings of safety that viewers may have had before the film started rolling. (This is also why I love "Grizzly" and the final three films in this countdown; because they are not afraid to show or imply a small child getting eaten!)
Along with an all-star b-movie cast (Dick Miller, Barbara Steele, and Keenan Wynn!) and a wonderfully eerie score by Pino Donaggio, this is a movie that deservedly belongs in the upper echelons of killer animal cinema!
Why YOU should watch it: Well for starters, it's directed by Joe Dante, who approaches this film with just the right amounts of horror and humor. (Not familiar with Joe Dante? Well he has also directed "The Howling," "Gremlins," and an often overlooked flick that I love called, "The Explorers!" If you haven't seen any of the film's I've just mentioned, you best crawl out of your friggin' cave and check them out!) "Piranha" also features early effects work by Phil Tippett (and Rob Bottin!), an excellent score by the aforementioned Pino Donaggio, and a fairly sizeable body count. And you can't help but love the weird sound effects the piranha make underwater when they attack their victims. "Piranha" is a fun flick that has aged better than you'd expect, and I can't recommend it enough!
Is it worthy of a remake? Well Roger Corman's New World Pictures remade "Piranha" in 1995. While not nearly as good as the original, this remake is, at the very least, watchable. And guess what? "Piranha" is getting remade again, by Alexandre Aja (writer/director of "High Tension" and "Mirrors") and it's going to be in 3D! This time around, the killer fish are prehistoric piranha that were released from an underground lake by an earthquake. It sounds like it will be an awful lot of fun, and I can't wait to see it, especially if the 3D effects are as good as they were in "My Bloody Valentine 3D!"
The countdown continues tomorrow with my third favorite killer animal flick. It is yet another rip-off of "JAWS" and features one of the most memorable "child deaths" in film history! Check back tomorrow night; see you later 'alligator.'
No comments:
Post a Comment