Now, before I chat a bit about "Hard Target," I would like to explain/discuss a few things. First off, I own far too many movies and TV shows on DVD. Picking something to watch on a nightly basis is pretty tough (yes, I do watch a movie every night after work. It is very rare that I do not watch a film on any given day.). And seeing as how I'm a bit rusty at writing about films (gosh, my last full review at the Vault was done in September of last year!) and could use some new content here on my blog, I thought "Hey, why don't I start writing about all these flicks I've been watching? It'd be a good writing exercise, and could help get me back into the swing of things, since the Vault has been collecting a lot of digital cobwebs as of late."
So this may be the start of something new and exciting, or it could be a fly by night attempt at getting my butt in gear. Either way, its keeping me from wasting my life playing "City of Heroes." :-)
Moving along then, my most recent "cinematic adventure" (a term of endearment given to films by comedian Dane Cook) was 1993's "Hard Target." This film stars Jean-Claude Van Damme as a former covert ops marine (named Chance! Haha!) who is now homeless in New Orleans. Chance's simple life of dumpster diving and living in cardboard boxes quickly changes when a young woman named Natasha Binder (Yancy Butler) shows up waving cash in his face. She is searching for her war vet daddy who also happens to be homeless. Since he's in need of money, Chance takes the case (for a measly $217.00!) and soon finds himself on the bad side of.... Lance Henriksen!
Yup! Old Lancie is once again a villain (a role he excels at), this time playing Emil Fouchon, an entrepreneur who makes his millions by tricking bums and homeless folk into a "Most Dangerous Game" scenario. Victims are promised ten thousand bucks if they can "make it to the river" without being shot by Lance's consumers, namely rich men who want to hunt and kill human beings. As it turns out, Natasha's father was one such contestant and was killed, even though he reached the river relatively alive. (Gasp! The bad guys welshed on their bet?! Whoda thunk it?!)
Along with Lance there's also the viciously evil Pik Van Cleef (played by Arnold "I was Imhotep in The Mummy" Vosloo), and a variety of cannon fodder. Naturally, the bad guys make the mistake of pissing off Van Damme, so he goes on a crusade against them and ends up become their main target. The movie plays out like you expect it to (i.e. Van Damme kicks and shoots his way through every villain in the flick) and doesn't hold too many surprises, except for a cameo appearance by Ted Raimi as well as a small role by Wilford Brimley, who shows up late in the film as Van Damme's crazy moonshine-swilling, arrow-slinging uncle. (Wilford is brilliant in this role. You just gotta love how his faux French accent keeps drifting in and out as he talks.)
"Hard Target" has a lot going for it: A huge cast of big name actors, music by Graeme Revell (who's musical talents helped make "The Crow" such a damned good movie), and of course, the directing talents of John Woo (who has some odd fascination with doves and pigeons). As is the case in most of Woo's films, the gunfights are stylish, but are a lot clumsier than his usual stuff. This is probably because he's directing American actors who are universally known to be less aerodynamic than folks of Asian descent. However, the movie itself is a mess. There's a ton of plotholes, next to no character development, and a slew of 'what the hell?' moments.
Still, this is one deliciously cheesy action film that should not be missed by any and all Van Damme fans. (You laugh, but I know they exist! They are out there, in the world, all around us. Living alongside us, working next to us, eating dinner in the same restaurants. It's enough to give you the shivers.) While it doesn't come anywhere near the classic status of "Bloodsport" or "Kickboxer," it is still a worthy addition to Van Damme's increasingly sad acting resume. So I suppose I'll give this bad boy.... THREE OUT OF FIVE 'RADS!'
"Hard Target" easily falls under the "so bad it's good" category and should keep you entertained for an hour and a half. Even if you're not a huge fan of this cheesy action-fest, you could do a lot worse. You could watch "Street Fighter: the Movie," or "Knock-Off," or "Double Impact," or ... well, you get the idea.
For more human-hunting hijinks, check out these films:
The Most Dangerous Game (1932)
Surviving the Game (1994)
Bloodlust (1961)
Van-Damme trivia:
While nearly all action stars have been in films where they've portrayed two look-alike characters, usually twin brothers, Van Damme has the distinction of doing it three times! He played twin brothers in "Maximum Risk" (1996), "Double Impact" (1991), and played a serial killer/serial killer clone in "Replicant" (2001).
Van Damme's first theatrical role was as the "Gay Karate Guy" in "Monaco Forever" (1984). Hahaha!
Van Damme was originally going to portray the monster in "Predator" but was apparently fired for being a little bitch. Thankfully the role went to the vastly more talented, yet extremely underappreciated, Kevin Peter Hall.
Van Damme won a Razzie Award in 1998 for "Worst Screen Couple." The award was shared by "Double Impact" co-star Dennis Rodman.
Points to Ponder:
What is that weird bump on Jean Claude's forehead? And is it me, or is that thing getting bigger?!
Jean Claude's latest film is called JCVD. Since I can't find much info about it right now as it is currently in production, I'm stumped as to what that acronym could mean. Does it mean JESUS CHRIST! Venereal Disease?! The mind boggles!
Well this concludes episode I of my cinematic adventures. I hope you've enjoyed it and hope that I can keep the momentum going. Thanks for reading!
Ah heck, I couldn't help myself and found some fun Van Damme stuff on Youtube. Here are Van Damme getting a boner on a French TV show and Van Damme being "the Gay Karate Guy" from "Manaco Forever." Enjoy!
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